Special People who have taught me so much in life, friendship and more

In my blog posts, I use the word LOVE broadly for deep affection, deep sense of caring, deep admiration. On the other hand, for the purpose of this post, I am being very selective and restrictive :) about the term FRIEND to describe someone who meets MOST, if NOT ALL, of the following descriptions:  

1. SOMEONE, who by sharing a “slice” of their time, enriches your life;
2. SOMEONE, who you cannot wait to see and reconnect with, but ….
3. … yet, you have the patience and endurance to wait for – months, years – before you actually get to re-connect with;
4. SOMEONE, who when you meet, you wish time stopped or “strettttcccchhhed”;
5. SOMEONE, with whom there is no full stop to a conversation, only semi-colons …..
6. … and with whom you pick the conversation where you left the last time – seamlessly, and with no effort;
7. SOMEONE you can share anything on your mind with, without even a 0.5 second of hesitation;
8. SOMEONE you know you “connect with” instantly but don’t have to analyze why.

This post is a brief glimpse into some friends that I have been blest with and the amazing stuff I have learnt about life, friendship and self from them. Also, these quick snapshots of these special friends bring to life the 8 points I mention above.

When I started writing this post, I had thought I would start by describing a special Group of friends – my BSS (school) mates, several of whom are FRIENDS as defined above. But that story is for another day - and deserves a blog post of its own.

So, I will restrict this post to just a glance into 4 individuals who have taught me so much about loving, living and friendship. Here, we go:

My PP

Imagine knowing someone for nearly 30 years and in all that period, never exchanging a heated word with, never sulking in that person’s presence and only thinking of the other person’s comfort in the time spent together.

Further imagine, two people yapping a lot, laughing all the while when together, pulling each other’s leg incessantly, sharing what is happening in their lives candidly … and then not being able to meet each other, not even be able to communicate with each other for 10 years … and yet, 10 years later, when they meet, almost instantly, they resume from where they had left.  

That is the bond that PP and I share!

Truth be told, PP ain’t a friend, she is true family. She brings to life Richard Bach’s words “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.”

PP and I live continents apart now. But when we meet, we laugh perhaps even louder than before and share deeper stuff than before. In fact, now we share very tough stuff, but mostly with a smile, inter-leaving tough discussions with humour and ALWAYS - with the deepest of concern and affection for each other.

PP is not shy, talks openly and flowingly … but, she listens very carefully too. She may seem not to pay attention BUT, she is taking it all in and will come back with the soundest, most profound perspective or observation, when required.

Watching her deal with the most trying of circumstances, I saw what emotional resilience was – in finest human form.  I will never forget that late evening and the gaping faces of people in the room, when she came out of the most traumatic of personal conversations that she was deeply engaged in – with a relaxed expression…. Actually, we danced too after that – to rocking, raucous music!!! That is My PP – kind to all, deeply affectionate to several, soft-hearted BUT amazingly tough when pushed to a corner.

Mr. A

Mr. A and I appear so different:

• He is tacit, shy, simple, always correct in his words – in contrast, I talk, express openly and speak my mind;
• He will do anything, not to leave his city for a day, without his family – I on the other hand, have left neighborhoods, cities, countries - in an instant - when the “calling” felt right;
• He will forego a promotion at work, if it means too much change … I will forego a promotion if there is no ability to effect a change; 
• … and these differences can go on for a bit …

But we, the two contrasting creatures, 24 years after first bumping into each other, still love to meet up at every chance, exchange life stories and laugh. When we meet, we don’t sit back and reflect on the fabulous past; rather, we are celebrating the present and beaming about the future.

He is magnanimous with me – but then he has always been that way. Back in engineering school, no one dared tease him or joke with him or disturb him when he wanted to be left alone. I, on the other hand would search him out as he quietly secluded himself in his room late in the evening, working on a circuit board, under a table lamp. I would barge in, and start yanking his chain, discuss with him every topic under the Sun, except anything to do with engineering. And he would not mind … he would smile and would engage.

I still call him up once every 6 months and we definitely meet up for a couple of hours, whenever I travel to India. The conversation resumes exactly where we left the last time we talked .. no rewinding, no reminding, … its “Play” mode from “Pause” mode in an instant.

Ms. M

M perhaps does not count birthdays by the years spent on earth, but rather by every time she takes a quantum leap of real personal growth in her life.

M perhaps does not connect with people even if she cares about them as she would “take up their time”.

M perhaps never asks anyone for anything.

M perhaps can absorb the energy of an entire crowd and be teeming with excitement, but yet keep an outward calm.

There are lots of “perhaps” :) that are perhaps best left as “perhaps” by me … makes M an enigma in this life-story of mine.

Balancing this list of “perhaps” is a whole list of “certainties” about M that make M so much joy to connect with, someone with whom each interaction gives me a BUMP UP in my understanding of life and even of my own self and my thinking. I know for “certain”:

• M is constantly striving to leave the lightest of “Carbon footprints” on earth as modern life can possibly allow, without becoming a troglodyte;
• M’s sacrifices and goals in life make mine seem so trivial – M is vegan in diet, aspires to one day go “off-grid” if possible and every single day works to get an inch closer to her dream;
• M is genuine in every action, every word, every expression, every question she asks – M’s full name in Ukranian perhaps means “genuine” or “absolutely honest” :) ;
• M’s love of all things living and existing on earth does not make her a sad, anxious person, but rather one full of life;
• Whatever M is pursuing at any point is always with full conviction, focus and commitment.

I bumped into M at my 1^st work-place in Canada (1999-2001 March). Since then, I make at-least a couple of clear attempts each year to connect with M. I know she may connect, she may respond but I also know equally well that she may not and that too is fine by me… as I know that wandering through corridors of some office, some transit station, some street … a few months, quarters or perhaps, years later … we WILL bump into each other … and we will have the most joyous and meaningful of conversations without missing a beat and with the deepest of understanding.

Mr. B

Diving off cliffs, sharing bunks in Italian hostels with strangers, drinking “pisco sours” in taverns in Peru, lying on the beach with his colleague - dead drunk in Bermuda, hanging out in fine digs at an African safari, doing hot Yoga with Toronto downtown Lululemon wearing ladies while himself being in near rags, roaming mid-town Toronto drinking beers with round bearded gents and sipping coffee with soccer moms … and then at the same time, providing advisory services to Bay Street bankers in pin-stripe suits, spending time teaching his kids’ class practical chemistry and shuffling his 2 boys between hockey games, taekwondo classes and soccer practice sessions.

That is Mr B! Certified Yoga Master, certified scuba diver as well as certified in technology industry specific ITIL, formally trained to train others in IT Enterprise Architecture… the list goes on.

Over the last 10 years, he and I (one on one, in small group with buddies or with our families) have sat together exchanging stories, experiences, funny tales.  Sitting together, I have downed gallons of water, while he has emptied barrels of brown or red (light, dark) liquid all the while just laughing. A Master story-teller, he can regale you with tales describing the early morning breakfast rituals of citizens in Manila or with his “passion of the month” (Netspresso coffee, Greek food, barbecue sauce he has stumbled upon, new Belgian beer flavor he has chanced upon or the latest object he found at Costco – the whole-seller).

Most of our meetings are spontaneous – he will call me or my wife and suggest we have an instant meeting or drive across our sprawling Greater Toronto Area to sample a specific food-place. 

On the other hand, if one plans an event in advance with him, its nigh impossible to get a commitment. He may be on his way, but someone might grab him on the way and he will get busy there. If there is a get-together at a proper sit-down restaurant, you never know till the last minute if he will show up or not.

But boy, if for some reason you need Mr. B, he will always show up and come through!

One day, I was driving across town, feeling tired and hungry, not wanting to eat non-home food. Called B and told I was passing by his place … And Presto! He had eggs, toast and coffee ready for me by the time I got to his place, a few minutes later.

If my wife (Sonika) is getting work done by contractors at home and I am not in town, Mr. B will check in with Sonika at regular intervals to ensure all is good.

When Sonika got wrapped on her knees by a car severely, Mr. B, landed with our buddies and a giant pizza to ensure the suffering turned into a celebration and a mini-party.

End-note

In closing, I am awfully lucky to have these folks around me over the years. There is so much they teach me about loving, living and friendship. I also realize that my friends are very special people per se! And very special people need to shed light on many lives. After all, it would be horrible if the Sun shone only in my backyard, while the rest of the world lay in darkness.

Rajput Bhawan .. centre of the universe for all of us cousins, our elders and their friends

I had originally written this note upon the request of my younger cousins, but I am now  re-posting it (with slight modifications) here as part of "love flows all around in abundance, ...its for us to dip in and tap into" series of posts and upon strong request from a precious cousin.

Background to Rajput Bhawan:

My maternal grand father had built a home in Dhanbad (Jharkhand state of India) called "Rajput Bhawan". A mansion by any measure, it was packed with fun, laughter, singing and play for more than a decade. I got to experience the joy of  visiting and enjoying Rajput Bhawan full blast till about the age 8 or 9 .. but the memories of those early days are vivid and alive for me.

Further, Rajput Bhawan was where I was brought from hospital, when I was born .. so in reality the 1st home I knew.

I am the 6th eldest amongst the cousins (we number 16) and perhaps the youngest who truly got to enjoy this place (as it fell almost completely apart by 1980 when I was 9).

Background to the most important characters in this note:

• Babu - my maternal grandfather, the patriarch
• Putul Mausi - the youngest of my Mausis (maternal aunts) and one of us, the kids
• Tunnu Mama - the youngest of 7 kids of my grandad and the only son
• Anu Didi - my eldest cousin sis
• Raja Bhaiya - elder cousin brother
• Anju Bhaiya - elder cousin brother
• Sonu Di - my elder cousin sis

25 randomly selected memories

I have selected top 25 most easily re-callable moments, memories, events from Rajput Bhawan of the yore, before it fell apart and all the Mausis (my aunts - Mum's sisters) got married off. Most of these 25 memories belong to the period when Babu (my grandfather) was around - so the memories are from the period between 1974 (when I started getting my full awareness) and 1977 (when Babu died). In no particular order, these are:

1. Sitting on the high bed (massive spring mattress with layers of soft mattresses on top) sorting 5,10, 25, 50 paise coins on Babu's bed, along with my 5 elder cousins - sifting through the daily collection from the fares collected from the buses my grandad owned  - and we getting paid a small commission for the counting ... 1st law of agency and commission learnt ;)

2. Going to the movies en masse squeezed in 1 or 2 cars - at Ray Talkies - cousins, outnumbered by Mausis (aunts) ... lesson learn .. Ambassadors can expand to fit as many people as you want.

3. Having to pay for going to the movie despite Babu giving money to Putul Mausi .. Putul Mausi led the collection, and took money even from a tiny 4/5 year old kid like me :( ..... lesson learnt ..... nothing comes for free and accounting or money management cant be left in the hands of elders ;) ... Generous grants from Babu + each one's contribution = ticket money + food money + lost money by Putul Mausi.

4. Squeezing into the car, going to Indian School of Mines Gate for Masala Dosas (Salty Crepes full with potatoes) .. lesson learnt ..Indians love potatoes.

5. Going to Rajendra Market in small groups .. personally avoiding all street food (while allother devoured it) but focussing instead it on "softees"(soft ice creams) ... lesson learnt ...I was finicky about  food hygiene from early and frozen food seemed a safer way to go.

 6. Going to Rajendra Market when the lights were out at Rajput Bhawan upon special private invitation extended in the darkness, from Raja Bhaiya ... early lesson learnt ... nothing as wonderful as having a generous elder brother.

7. Going to Dhanbad Railway station with Babu to eat cake ... in reflection, it was hard tough bad cake but still so much fun ... lesson learnt: eating, even bad food with grandads, is too special and perhaps an incomparable experience.

8. Being able to do 2,3,4, 5, 6  and 7 above - often, spontaneously  ... lesson learnt ... the car offers mobility and mobility is freedom and fun and leads to choices.

9. Playing cops and robber with Anju Bhaiya on the terrace with our latest toy guns ... Anju Bhaiya always getting his way and becoming the "Chor" (robber). I suspect it was because Amitabh Bachhan (Indian Screen God) would be a Chor in movies and Vinod Khanna (another amazing movie star but not a Screen God) would be the policeman in Indian movies .... lesson learnt ... toy guns are fun for 5 year olds especially blue ones that shoot yellow pellets or black ones that shot multi-coloured discs .... even if you know you are being fooled to play the less exciting role of a cop and have to do the chasing.

10. We performed a play, directed by Putul Mausi ... the cast had Anu didi (my eldest cousin sis) as an actress, Anjoo Bhaiya as a waiter, the rest of us as as side-kicks.  I was the youngest and dressed as a villager .. we did a show with full gusto, for all the elders in the family, who laughed and thoroughly enjoyed the event .. lesson learnt ... everyone (actors, side-kicks, audience) loves a good show.

11. Anju Bhaiya decides to teach me (I was then 5.5 year old) Karate one late evening .... the initiation process required my hair and his hair to be chopped like that of Bruce Lee .. while we were undergoing the initiation process, Raja Bhaiya spied us out and squealed ... Anju Bhaiya and I panicked and we threw my cut hair pieces out the window .. we put on caps, went to a movie in the night, but didn't confess .. lots of fuss was created by everyone on the mysterious hair cutting ... we (Anju Bhaiya, I) didn't relent ... and we were forced into a council with Anu Didi applying some "magic" oil on finger nails ... leading to confessions by us ... lesson learnt ..... ghouls, mysteries, wizardry, magic oil are all part of the every day eastern living.

12. Learning western dancing steps from Putul Mausi ... Anju bhaiya, Anu didi, sometimes a reluctant Sonu di and me ... lesson learnt ... you can shake your booty and feel good, even if you dont know how to do it right.

13. The time that a golden globe with multi-coloured disco lights was installed in Tunnu Mama's suite ..... lesson learnt ... Abba and Boney M can get to anyone, anywhere.

14. Dancing to "Tequila" and Tina Charles... lesson learnt: some music pieces are timeless.

15. Creeping out of bed to play during "forced" afternoon siestas while elders slept ... learnt about myself ... I can never pretend to sleep and being in action, despite threats, is preferable than taking it lying down ;)

16. Playing "Ghar-Ghar" .. with makeshift homes made of sheets, pretending to sleep, get up, eat and go to work ... food was always tastier in the neighbouring Anu didi and Putul Mausi's camp (who knew to cook serious stuff) and we had to shamelessly drop in to their "home" for eating ... lessons learnt ..grass is greener on the other side of the fence, powerful (in this case elder) people always gang up to create monopolies, food is a big motivator and hunger overcomes shame.

17. Playing "school school" ..with Anu Didi as the teacher .. lesson learnt .... don't play with Didis (elder sisters) ..they will teach you class course, even in your vacation :).

18. Playing board games - Housie/Lotto, Monopoly and Career with Putul Mausi, Mum, Tunnu Mama, elder cousins of course, Pyaare Mama, Mahesh Mama (friend of Putul Mausi) ... and I loved "Career" the most ... realization: now I know why I think corporate career is a fun game.

19. Playing cricket with a hard ball on the ground floor and near the cow shed with all the Mamas and Bhaiyas .. and only doing the batting, and leaving when I was done ... it is good to be the youngest, sometimes.

20. Playing "bang bang" ... in the house with all younger Mausis, their friends, cousins ... the cheating, the noise was all OK but being the youngest, Sonu Didi and I were always made captains and hidden away in a cupboard or a secluded spot .. did I say in # 19, it was good to be the youngest , perhaps not :( .. Grrrrr.

21. The ride from the train station to Rajout Bhawan every time we went to Dhanbad .... short distances can seem like long journeys to kids who are excited.

22. The fear of "Runnu", the excitable dog versus the respect for "Llama", the kind gentle dog .. lesson .. names have direct impact on who we are, even on dogs.

23. Maa, my grand-mom .. with her uniqness & foibles ... the white sheets, the amazing laughter, the Bengali preferences in news, music & dishes, partiality she showed me, the Paan (stimulating, psychoactive preparation of betel leaf combined with areca nut and/or cured tobacco) and the myriad strict rules she laid out .... lesson: you can take a Bengali out of Bengal but you cannot take the "Bengaliness" out even 30 years after being married to a happy, easy going person from UP, living in Bihar/Jharkhand.

24. The long line of cars, trucks and the buses my grandparents owned that lined up the driveway ... lesson learnt .. wealth can be fleeting.

25. All the noise and "hungaama" (drama) associated with people who were an extension of the Rajput Bhawan family - Tunnu Mama's friends, the many "Mausis "(from Nepal, Meerut) & Mamas who were buddies of Putul Mausi and made things at RB even more lively and the various people who lived & worked at RB to make it RB (Ram Lakhan, the long lasting driver, Pathakjee, the collector of "interesting" Hindi novels, the bus conductors who I recognized even after the buses were gone, Shashti, our  big Bengali chef and the list goes on) ...lesson learnt ... a patriarch (like Babu) can be at the core of a solar system but when he goes, the planets, their satellites and asteroids disperse randomly...hopefully to form equally exciting solar systems of their own.

My Mum and Courage in Public Situations

My Mum has a very short fuse :) but when that explosion is directed for the broader good, it is truly inspirational. This last post of this 3-part series on Courage in Public Situations is dedicated to her.

Growing up in India, I had read about a few strong people doing amazing things in public and going well beyond their natural capabilities BUT I had mostly observed in society, that a few tough/rough elements could easily subjugate the public and that tyranny was generally tolerated by silent masses.

So, when I saw My Mum in action for the 1st time, I think it sparked something very special deep in my being. I believe this was when I would have been about 10 years old. On a short notice, My Mum, sis and I had to travel from Dhanbad (Eastern India, then the capital of Coal Mafia) to Mughal Sarai (an equally rough part of India). The trip between the two places is a short few hours journey but in sweltering heat, it can feel like "forever".

Given the short notice for travel, we could not get proper "reservations" in the train for comfortable seating and had to use the "General Compartment (GC)". Now, for those who don't know what a GC is in India, a quick introduction. There are 1 or 2 compartments earmarked in an Indian Railways train that people who have not made "reservations" (money issue, time issue) all cram into. Typically, these compartments carry way more people than stipulated and most "gentrified" society avoids these compartments.

But given our rush, we had to undertake this journey from Dhanbad to Mughal Sarai in a GC. So there we were - Mum, the two kids and an adult male companion (Lets call him "Pyaarejee") to escort the three of us.

The train stops at Dhanbad station and we scramble into the GC. Packed like sardines in a can, we are grateful that we get to perch our bottoms in this fully packed compartment.As people settle down and the train starts pulling out, my Mum looks around and surveys the crowd - ladies uncomfortably sitting, men getting half their bums on to seats and then she sees the contrast .. there are these 2 men sleeping comfortably on a berth while the rest of the 100 people are crammed together.

Immediately, my Mum asks the people around the 2 sleeping men to get their attention and asks calmly that these two guys make room for others. Now as they reveal their drowsy faces, it is clear that they are "toughies" or rough elements. "Pyarejee" asks Mum not to push these 2 men. Moreover, no one in that compartment (full, of mostly men) utters a word and most look away from these two men.

But Mum, full of rightful indignation, "explodes" at these two ruffians/toughies. While she is only 5 feet 3 inches or thereabouts, I think to these two sleeping men (ruffians), she appeared as a 200 feet, 10,000 pound giant .. for they got shaken, protested threateningly .. but a few seconds later, they wilted, when they saw that my Mum's anger was not subsiding and she repeatedly shouted them down.

And next you know, these two guys were wet wimps .. they sat up, made room for others... and some uncomfortable folks in that compartment had a better 5-hour journey that evening than they would have had otherwise. More than 30 years later, I still recall this journey with a smile ..

This above episode is but one incident in a series of powerful public displays of guts and courage that Mum showed over the years. Be it correcting emerging hooligans in Calcutta in our community, getting justice for maids in trouble, making nightly rounds to secure the community, taking on a class of 70 who troubled her and her only other lady classmate in law school, protecting her friends in University .... it was Mum who led the way, while most of the community just carried on with their daily business. She repeatedly, through her actions, showed how one can go beyond one's limitations  and how immense courage summoned at the right time can take on more powerful forces in correcting Public wrong. Funnily enough, she never gave us sermons or homilies on doing the right, she just went ahead and DID IT right.

Whenever, I did right in public, I knew a good part of it was because of that train journey with Mum.

When I could NOT go beyond ....

The blog post just before this talked about the happiness from mad moments when I "went beyond" .. they happened often in life and so in balance, I am a very happy person. But, then there was one event when I could not gather my wits or guts to do anything ... that haunted me for a while, drove several decisions, has even shaped my thinking and is still something that I have not closed the loop on.

Event in brief

I was 22, travelling alone full of the anticipation of starting an exciting career in the corporate world. On a personal visit between two small towns in North India, I came in early for my train at a railway station.I was relishing in one of my favourite hobbies - watching people meet, part, hustle and bustle at a large commuter point.

Stations, for those not familiar with India are frequented by these little kids who have been abandoned or have no one taking care of them. They hustle, do small petty jobs, or even pick garbage to survive. Full of life, street smart, they only lack a proper places to thrive.

Anyways, here were these 2 kids - a  boy and a girl - urchins in some people's world - busy picking stuff between railway lines when all of a sudden, a railway cop came up and started abusing and then brandishing his "lathi" (cane) at them. I moved quickly towards the incident and raised my voice to challenge the railway cop. He ignored me completely and continued his madness but distracted by my approach and challenge, he took away his eyes and the kids fled. He told me to stay out of these as in his view I did not understand anything.

I could not argue back. I  didn't know how to take this further. But more critically, I realized that I did not know if I could ever do anything in a similar situation when a cop takes the law in his hand to beat up helpless victims.

Impact of the event

I pacified myself then by telling myself that I need to face the reality - that the "world was not fair", that I could not solve all issues I confront and official power is often abused.

However, I believe:
1. That I have not forgotten or even forgiven myself for not doing more that day.
2. That while I always knew that people  of India, when in a horde or when in power can be cruel, the sadness of facing it that day made my later decision to leave India easier. For me, it was made crystal clear that day that India was no better than other places that I had read of and it was not as gentle as our books told us or my loved ones made me feel.
3. That the incident further fortified my resolve that some day in my life, I will  do my bit to set up a systematic program to do some good to some under-privileged kids in India, so that they can do even better in their lives.
4. In a perfectly happy and contented life, the only disquiet is that I don't know if I am in India again and face a similar situation, how I will respond. I pray for the best.

All in all, when I think back on the only moment when I could not go beyond my limitations and resort to a perhaps fool-hardy but still a brave act of dealing with the rouge railway cop ..it haunts and hurts and I still have unanswered questions of my own self.

When I could go beyond ….

Strong sense of justice, chivalry, correctness, “call of the blood” :).. or call it sheer madness  ;).. but there have been so many instances growing up when these urges made me go beyond my normal limitations and led to moments which are still alive in my heart.

Travelling by public transport in India, especially in North, Eastern or Central India can throw up daunting challenges, and yet opportunities to go beyond ourselves. The challenges can include many things - careless negligent officials, suffering yet silent commuters, rough ways, all the way to robbery by bandits (or “dacoits” as we called them).  

During the period 1989 to 1993, I travelled often here and got to deal with these challenges head-on. I don’t remember the normal travel in those days as vividly as the ones when there were challenges and I was able to rise to go beyond myself… and do or try to do something about it.

Here are just 3 sample of those “mad moments” in brief that I have never described in detail to anyone but finally am putting down in this blog post:

1. Dacoits on a train – I was travelling from Gorakhpur (northern India) to Calcutta (eastern India) by an overnight train. It was 2 AM and everyone was sleeping while I was enjoying the rushing wind from the open window on a “lower berth” while reading “The Great Indian Novel” by Sashi Tharoor.  An ex-army non-commissioned officer (let’s call him Mr Jawan) and now a railways employee asked me to give him space near my leg so he could perch himself. The train by now was approaching Asansol, a town on the border of Bengal, when we heard thuds and then the release of vacuum breaks. Mr Jawaan sprung into action, whispered to me that it was dacoits landing and they had released the vacuum brakes to stop the train so that their compatriots can board and loot the passengers. He asked me if I was up to the task of moving heavy stuff (bales of grain in gunny sacks) towards the compartment separation (as it had a broken latch) and preventing or delaying any entrance, while he ran to the other side and closed the vacuum breaks.  Adrenaline rushing, we moved quietly and quickly.  He did his part and I, his bidding. And presto, the vacuum was back, the train picked up speed and we saw the shadows of the advanced gang of dacoits jump off our compartment and merge into the darkness of the night. And not a soul in the compartment – ladies, men, kids, elders – got to know as they snored peacefully through it all. I was back into my book, smiling wider than before.   
2. “Trekkerwalli” – In parts of rural India, there is a jeep-like vehicle called “Trekker”. While it has a capacity of taking 8-10 people, it is normal for 16-20 people to board it :). I jumped on to one of these for a short ride out of Ranchi (province of Jharkhand) en-route to Bokaro (Steel Town close to Ranchi). The crowd was rough in the vehicle, as is often normal. Suddenly, the vehicle stopped to pick a passenger and an amazingly charming young lady boarded the vehicle – totally out of place for this environment. Young women in these parts have to always “escorted” by brothers or fathers or males, unfortunately. None of the rough elements in the vehicle were willing to give her space and had smirks on their face. Without thinking, but with a stern expression,  I shoved a couple of the guys, made space for the young lady and created more space around her for her bag, shoved my bag to put more distance between her and the other passengers and to my surprise,.. all the “rough elements” parted, without a murmur. Rest was easy …. with my leg, I maintained the distance between her and others for the 30 minute journey. Though my leg was numb at the end of it, it was put to its best use till then :). I told a much simpler version of the episode to my cousins and yet, they for the longest time teased me about “Trekkerwalli” (or the Lady in the Trekker).
3. Lights in the train compartment – The lights of the compartment went out as we approached Nagpur station in Central-West India. The train was full of kids crying, ladies feeling uncomfortable with the darkness and not a soul complained. I was travelling along with one bag and peacefully asleep, tired after having completed my engineering exams for the term.  I checked with a couple of the men accompanying their family if they would want to do anything to address the situation in the compartment, but they were hesitant to take on the railway officials. That was it! I jumped down from the “upper berth” that I was sleeping in, told a couple of the guys to look after my bag and then went searching for the officials on the train. Both the officials on the train ignored my request to get things fixed and claimed helplessness to do anything. I waited at the door of the train compartment and the moment we pulled into Nagpur station, jumped off and stormed into the office of the Station Master. The Station Master was not in his office, so I told his underlings that the lights in our compartment had to be fixed, else the train would not move. They argued, ignored and threatened me but I stood my ground.  They finally requested the Station Master to come and deal with me. I told the Station Master calmly about the pain and risks for the women and the kids and to balance that against a delay in departure of the train. He relented, got the light fixed and with a minor delay, we were on our way, I sleeping even better than before.   

While my behavior was full of bravado, or rashness in all these above instances, thinking about these moments still makes me smile. Thank God, that I did what I did then, foolish as it may have been. I pray that I still have the courage to do right when required. 

I worry though. Over time, as we accumulate stuff or we become “sensible” or even cynical, perhaps this fire to do “right” dies … I still fervently hope that the embers of my fiery days still are alive because when you go beyond your limitations, you can smile thinking about it all your life.  

The moment the nurse wrapped the sheet around me, I became net positive

I often joke to people but today thought I would put it down on paper … “the day I was born and the moment the nurse wrapped the sheet around me, I became net positive" ;).. with that piece of clothing around me.” Since then, I have only gained. Seriously, I am extremely grateful every moment for being born as a human being and that too in the most fabulous phase that man-kind has ever seen.

Every second, every moment since the “towel was wrapped” I have had a net gain in my life .. the ones that jump most readily to my mind while writing this blog in 15 minutes:

• Got so much affection from so many people – some left me, some I had to move far from – only to get more around the next corner and still have a piece of those very far away;
• Learnt every second - to walk, to talk, and so much more about self and others through  1000s of sweet-sour experiences;
• Got to explore the tremendous cumulative knowledge that “Man” has packaged – initially through formal education, then through the library, then through hard-bound books, then the Net and now get to absorb every “vacant” second through the flick of my fingers on my smartphone; 
• The experiences through interactions that no one can take away from me – in the cities of the world, in remote isolated corners of the Pampas or under the Arctic Light, running at 15,000 feet with bated breath & relaxing on golden sand, visiting family in the village and doing solitary journeys … on buses, trains & planes .. in large business meetings & intimate social settings;
• Food and flavours absorbed -  from atleast 75 different types of fruits to every shade/shape of  “frutas del mer” (sea-food); from “Daal-rice” and “egg-milk-sugar” combos in bowls to plated dishes in atleast 100 different Oriental, Occidental and Indian flavours;  from bitter quinine to sweet flowers ….;  
• Enjoyed “growing” as aliens (new lands, new neighbours, new  colleagues, new ….) turned into home, home away from home, friends and even extended family;
• Fell sick so many times as a kid – only to come out stronger – and each time built protection and resistance for the next assault from a variegated form of bacteria, vile and virus.

At some point in life, perhaps the mind won’t recall each and every bit as vividly :) .. but every pore of my being has absorbed these experiences  … so till my last breath, I will always be net positive.  

Love oozing all over from unexpected places :) .. 5 thoughts from childhood that stick out

I have always averred that my family, relatives and friends have always been unbelievably good to me. They have been extremely affectionate, caring and supportive of me in whatever I did. This is even more amazing as I have done things "my way" and that was way different from how they grew up or knew the world worked. Anyway, focus of this blog post is not about the entities (family, friends, relatives) who are a natural source of love that we all probably get. Instead this post is all about the love from my entire surrounding, growing up. My key point is "love oozed" all over ..all I had to do was recognize it, dip into it ...and life was blissful :)

Whenever I reflect on my growing years, I smile and only happy memories flood through .. and when I dig in a bit more and analyze "Gosh, why am I smiling so much ?".. After all, my parents were super busy, my closest relatives thousand miles away and phone-calls to them expensive and rare, my school friends across town ... and yet I was always cradled in a world of pure affection by my surrounding... be it travelling on the long public bus trip to school, jumping around unsupervised in the colony/community or wherever I was ...

This morning (I am on a 2-day vacation today) I cut through all these thoughts and forced myself (surgical knife precision) to think about the 5 most distinct groups of people who made my life such a joy in my 11 years in Bombay (Mumbai) and in not the exact (though, almost exact) descending order, these would be:

1. The M family (5 members - K,R,PP, N & K) 
N, a baby in Grade 3 reached out and tied a string on my hand when I was in Grade 9, opening the floodgates of affection and a world of joy that I still get to enjoy, cherish and smile about. N's Mum (Aunty K) revived me in the most broken hours of my health with material stuff (juice, great food) and tonnes of affection and till date is the epitome of "explicit genuine affection" for me.

N's sis (PP) growing up, was the most mad fun element of my life and lunches with her, with Aunty K smiling affectionately, are the most memorable lunches I have had in my life. Uncle R was always warm, generous with his patience and time, tolerant of my noise levels ;) even though he hated any disturbance from others. K, the baby of the house, who came in late (I left Bombay when he was still little), was and continues to be the most adorable young man one can imagine.

The 5 of them attracted the best people around them (S, their maid and friend of the kids for long, their super kind cook, and of course the amazing friends of PP). Together, they make their apartment (83/B ...) seem like a sepia coloured image with gold dust in the snapshots of my memory.

2. My extended family of Income Tax Colony
Spent 7 solid years in Peddar Road in the Income Tax Colony,  4 core yellow painted buildings (6 plus ground floor, each floor with 4 apartments per floor) full of Government officials and their family. In this sedate sounding surrounding, there was one common theme - complete bliss in the safest possible place to grow up.

"Aunties" (wives of the officers) in their balconies maintained a gentle "vigil" over the happenings, so none of us growing kids ever got into a "mess". When hungry/thirsty or when it was too hot to be outside, ring the bell in one of your favourite 10-15 homes in the apartment blocks and you bet you would be fed and you would be "happy busy" playing or reading.

A Special Salute from me to those special aunts ... DNS, RRS, +++ .. and those fabulous "uncles" (PLS, AK, DNS +++++...) who "play-boxed" with me, tried to spook me :), taught me about stock markets, building stamina and more ....
 
3. The Parsi ladies in the public bus I took to school
This is about a gang of 4 ladies, in their 30s and 40s, who saw me grow up from Grade 3 to 10 while travelling in the same set of buses. Every morning, they got off the public bus mid-way to my school.
And every morning, they ensured, and sometimes even fought for me, to secure for me my favourite seat in the public bus (next to the driver).

Incidentally, I got my 1st public kiss from them ;) when on my way to school for the 1st day of my "Board" exams, I got a series of "best of luck" kisses from them. After those wishes and kisses, of course great grades had to come my way :)

4. Acquaintances who became special "family"
This is the group which almost makes me say "Gosh, it takes a whole society and more for some ....to be raised super happily". This is a motley collection of folks who invited me (even without my parents) with open hearts into their homes. Initially, introduced by Dad or Mum, over the years, I had huge personal rapport with them and they filled my life with joy galore:

• S "Aunty" in her late 50s ... On hot summer days, I would go to her place when no one was playing in the Income Tax Colony due to the heat. I saw my 1st set of great Western War movies on video sitting in her home, read through the chest of War Comics that her son (a businessman). When done, I would sit at the grand table in her air-conditioned :) dining hall, have lunch with her while yapping with her, say bye to her and then run off to join my friends back in the colony as the Sun cooled down... "strangest, quietest connection".
• The ever smiling BLJ - at every stage of life, even well past my engineering, this gentleman always has helped me in different dimensions of my life and always been super-welcoming.
• PS - always engaging, shared my passion for the world of business, generous to the core ..even gave one of his homes for me to stay in .. when I got started after b-school.

5. Shocking to many perhaps, but can't be honest if I did not acknowledge my Dad's (2,3,4 ??) "girlfriends" ;) ...always super nice to me and genuinely caring ...

To all these kind souls, my virtual imaginary hug and this black and white "Thank you" for making my growing up years so amazing and so full of love.