Special People who have taught me so much in life, friendship and more

In my blog posts, I use the word LOVE broadly for deep affection, deep sense of caring, deep admiration. On the other hand, for the purpose of this post, I am being very selective and restrictive :) about the term FRIEND to describe someone who meets MOST, if NOT ALL, of the following descriptions:  

1. SOMEONE, who by sharing a “slice” of their time, enriches your life;
2. SOMEONE, who you cannot wait to see and reconnect with, but ….
3. … yet, you have the patience and endurance to wait for – months, years – before you actually get to re-connect with;
4. SOMEONE, who when you meet, you wish time stopped or “strettttcccchhhed”;
5. SOMEONE, with whom there is no full stop to a conversation, only semi-colons …..
6. … and with whom you pick the conversation where you left the last time – seamlessly, and with no effort;
7. SOMEONE you can share anything on your mind with, without even a 0.5 second of hesitation;
8. SOMEONE you know you “connect with” instantly but don’t have to analyze why.

This post is a brief glimpse into some friends that I have been blest with and the amazing stuff I have learnt about life, friendship and self from them. Also, these quick snapshots of these special friends bring to life the 8 points I mention above.

When I started writing this post, I had thought I would start by describing a special Group of friends – my BSS (school) mates, several of whom are FRIENDS as defined above. But that story is for another day - and deserves a blog post of its own.

So, I will restrict this post to just a glance into 4 individuals who have taught me so much about loving, living and friendship. Here, we go:

My PP

Imagine knowing someone for nearly 30 years and in all that period, never exchanging a heated word with, never sulking in that person’s presence and only thinking of the other person’s comfort in the time spent together.

Further imagine, two people yapping a lot, laughing all the while when together, pulling each other’s leg incessantly, sharing what is happening in their lives candidly … and then not being able to meet each other, not even be able to communicate with each other for 10 years … and yet, 10 years later, when they meet, almost instantly, they resume from where they had left.  

That is the bond that PP and I share!

Truth be told, PP ain’t a friend, she is true family. She brings to life Richard Bach’s words “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.”

PP and I live continents apart now. But when we meet, we laugh perhaps even louder than before and share deeper stuff than before. In fact, now we share very tough stuff, but mostly with a smile, inter-leaving tough discussions with humour and ALWAYS - with the deepest of concern and affection for each other.

PP is not shy, talks openly and flowingly … but, she listens very carefully too. She may seem not to pay attention BUT, she is taking it all in and will come back with the soundest, most profound perspective or observation, when required.

Watching her deal with the most trying of circumstances, I saw what emotional resilience was – in finest human form.  I will never forget that late evening and the gaping faces of people in the room, when she came out of the most traumatic of personal conversations that she was deeply engaged in – with a relaxed expression…. Actually, we danced too after that – to rocking, raucous music!!! That is My PP – kind to all, deeply affectionate to several, soft-hearted BUT amazingly tough when pushed to a corner.

Mr. A

Mr. A and I appear so different:

• He is tacit, shy, simple, always correct in his words – in contrast, I talk, express openly and speak my mind;
• He will do anything, not to leave his city for a day, without his family – I on the other hand, have left neighborhoods, cities, countries - in an instant - when the “calling” felt right;
• He will forego a promotion at work, if it means too much change … I will forego a promotion if there is no ability to effect a change; 
• … and these differences can go on for a bit …

But we, the two contrasting creatures, 24 years after first bumping into each other, still love to meet up at every chance, exchange life stories and laugh. When we meet, we don’t sit back and reflect on the fabulous past; rather, we are celebrating the present and beaming about the future.

He is magnanimous with me – but then he has always been that way. Back in engineering school, no one dared tease him or joke with him or disturb him when he wanted to be left alone. I, on the other hand would search him out as he quietly secluded himself in his room late in the evening, working on a circuit board, under a table lamp. I would barge in, and start yanking his chain, discuss with him every topic under the Sun, except anything to do with engineering. And he would not mind … he would smile and would engage.

I still call him up once every 6 months and we definitely meet up for a couple of hours, whenever I travel to India. The conversation resumes exactly where we left the last time we talked .. no rewinding, no reminding, … its “Play” mode from “Pause” mode in an instant.

Ms. M

M perhaps does not count birthdays by the years spent on earth, but rather by every time she takes a quantum leap of real personal growth in her life.

M perhaps does not connect with people even if she cares about them as she would “take up their time”.

M perhaps never asks anyone for anything.

M perhaps can absorb the energy of an entire crowd and be teeming with excitement, but yet keep an outward calm.

There are lots of “perhaps” :) that are perhaps best left as “perhaps” by me … makes M an enigma in this life-story of mine.

Balancing this list of “perhaps” is a whole list of “certainties” about M that make M so much joy to connect with, someone with whom each interaction gives me a BUMP UP in my understanding of life and even of my own self and my thinking. I know for “certain”:

• M is constantly striving to leave the lightest of “Carbon footprints” on earth as modern life can possibly allow, without becoming a troglodyte;
• M’s sacrifices and goals in life make mine seem so trivial – M is vegan in diet, aspires to one day go “off-grid” if possible and every single day works to get an inch closer to her dream;
• M is genuine in every action, every word, every expression, every question she asks – M’s full name in Ukranian perhaps means “genuine” or “absolutely honest” :) ;
• M’s love of all things living and existing on earth does not make her a sad, anxious person, but rather one full of life;
• Whatever M is pursuing at any point is always with full conviction, focus and commitment.

I bumped into M at my 1^st work-place in Canada (1999-2001 March). Since then, I make at-least a couple of clear attempts each year to connect with M. I know she may connect, she may respond but I also know equally well that she may not and that too is fine by me… as I know that wandering through corridors of some office, some transit station, some street … a few months, quarters or perhaps, years later … we WILL bump into each other … and we will have the most joyous and meaningful of conversations without missing a beat and with the deepest of understanding.

Mr. B

Diving off cliffs, sharing bunks in Italian hostels with strangers, drinking “pisco sours” in taverns in Peru, lying on the beach with his colleague - dead drunk in Bermuda, hanging out in fine digs at an African safari, doing hot Yoga with Toronto downtown Lululemon wearing ladies while himself being in near rags, roaming mid-town Toronto drinking beers with round bearded gents and sipping coffee with soccer moms … and then at the same time, providing advisory services to Bay Street bankers in pin-stripe suits, spending time teaching his kids’ class practical chemistry and shuffling his 2 boys between hockey games, taekwondo classes and soccer practice sessions.

That is Mr B! Certified Yoga Master, certified scuba diver as well as certified in technology industry specific ITIL, formally trained to train others in IT Enterprise Architecture… the list goes on.

Over the last 10 years, he and I (one on one, in small group with buddies or with our families) have sat together exchanging stories, experiences, funny tales.  Sitting together, I have downed gallons of water, while he has emptied barrels of brown or red (light, dark) liquid all the while just laughing. A Master story-teller, he can regale you with tales describing the early morning breakfast rituals of citizens in Manila or with his “passion of the month” (Netspresso coffee, Greek food, barbecue sauce he has stumbled upon, new Belgian beer flavor he has chanced upon or the latest object he found at Costco – the whole-seller).

Most of our meetings are spontaneous – he will call me or my wife and suggest we have an instant meeting or drive across our sprawling Greater Toronto Area to sample a specific food-place. 

On the other hand, if one plans an event in advance with him, its nigh impossible to get a commitment. He may be on his way, but someone might grab him on the way and he will get busy there. If there is a get-together at a proper sit-down restaurant, you never know till the last minute if he will show up or not.

But boy, if for some reason you need Mr. B, he will always show up and come through!

One day, I was driving across town, feeling tired and hungry, not wanting to eat non-home food. Called B and told I was passing by his place … And Presto! He had eggs, toast and coffee ready for me by the time I got to his place, a few minutes later.

If my wife (Sonika) is getting work done by contractors at home and I am not in town, Mr. B will check in with Sonika at regular intervals to ensure all is good.

When Sonika got wrapped on her knees by a car severely, Mr. B, landed with our buddies and a giant pizza to ensure the suffering turned into a celebration and a mini-party.

End-note

In closing, I am awfully lucky to have these folks around me over the years. There is so much they teach me about loving, living and friendship. I also realize that my friends are very special people per se! And very special people need to shed light on many lives. After all, it would be horrible if the Sun shone only in my backyard, while the rest of the world lay in darkness.